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This paper is a combination of theoretical perspectives on Restorative Justice gleaned from my yearlong M.Ed. thesis (a study of the language employed in RJ conferences), and from the practice of running some thirty conferences with couples caught up in Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) in and around the city of Palmerston North, New Zealand from 2015- 2017.  I have tried to contextualize IPV into its wider historical, social and political context, believing that this is essential to understanding the phenomenon.  In addition, I have paid careful attention to language, arguing that the terms ‘safety’ and ‘accountability’ have become codewords that serve to obscure and close down meaningful debate.  I have followed Goodmark’s use of the term ‘Dominance Feminism’, and have detailed the contest between the received